It was 9:56pm on 27th August 2016, Saturday, where I finished writing this blogpost. I officially announce, to myself, at the very least, that I’ve reached the last lap of a vicious cycle. Don’t understand? Let me explain to you.
This time last year, I was taken back by what caused me to repeat Year 1 in junior college (JC) – stress/exhaustion-led procrastination. This time last year, the Theatre Studies & Drama (TSD) A Levels practical exams of my seniors ended for a good one and a half months, a period during which I took a good rest and began to catch up on work, by firstly finishing all assignments I owed to teachers. Unfortunately, I did finish those assignments but apparently, that wasn’t it. In no time, it was the Promotional Examinations (promos) for Year 2 promotion and unlike other classmates of mine, who are either smart and can do with the bare minimal studying, or not as smart but who are hardworking, and who eventually promoted, I was the third type, not as smart but did not work as hard, too. I wouldn’t deny that a noticeable reason for me not doing enough work and studying was due to laziness and procrastination. However, I need to come true and make it clear that I was so exhausted that doing work was just demanding and of little to no interest to me. Needless to say, I paid the price.
“You chose the JC route, you chose TSD, you chose your subjects, you chose your (school) life, you do the work!” My Project Work tutor said. Need I say I was mad at what she said, at first, but looking back now, she was actually right, and I just had to reap what I sow.
Here’s the explanation: it would’ve really been a vicious cycle if whatever happened last year repeats this year (*touchwood), but the crucial points which determine if the circle would finish itself and the cycle really goes, or not, have yet to reach – promos (take 2). Singapore’s education requires a student to only have attempted JC Year 1 twice, maximum. In other words, this “take 2” is a make or break. I’d bid JC farewell and say “hello” to polytechnic if “take 2” doesn’t end well. And seeing how the difficulty of being admitted into a (government) local university from a polytechnic is so high, I cannot afford to fail to promote, again.
It has been eternity since I last posted and even longer since I last shared my emotional thoughts and feelings here. Seeing how my counterpart on WordPress (the only friend I know in real life who follows me here), Alex, hasn’t even been living a decent life, much less good, as well, I thought maybe it’s a “friendly” gesture that I post similarly, in trying to let him know that we’re all on the same boat.
We, however, have a common end goal in mind this year, or the very first two weeks of next year – a trip to Westminster, London, England. As you would’ve already known, from previous blogposts, that Alex and I are (shameless) tourists (in Singapore), who will travel even more, to other parts of the world. And I remember clearly that I said, in a previous blogpost, that I love travelling, especially with the very simplistic mindset of seeing, listening and feeling wherever I go, for it helps boost my creativity and sensitivity, that, will help my craft for I become a filmmaker. So if I can make it for this trip with Alex at the end of the year, two words – no regrets. And remember how I said, in another blogpost of mine, that we live in a world where happiness needs to be earned, despite me hating this tough and hard truth of life? Being promoted is an unspoken and hidden condition as to whether the trip would be possible. As such, even more so, there is no room for forgiveness if I fail to promote, again.
This last lap of a vicious cycle, I’d better make a turn that will take me to greater heights, for if not, I will finish the circle and the vicious cycle would go on.
Till my next checkpoint, where I’d bring you good news (I hope), so long!
“Finish your finishing, or it will finish you.” – author unknown
My life, my films, my world 